Consent not coercion, romanticising abuse

[Image description: A pair of hands are bound at the wrists with red rope that then encircles them in a heart. Credit: Kate Leth 2014]

As the release date for ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ gets closer and closer, there are a lot of people nervous about the negative repercussions that this story will create. The two main issues being the story’s poor portrayal of what a BDSM relationship is and how the abusive, controlling nature of the main character, Christian Grey, is normalised and even romanticised. The producers are advertising this film as a ‘romantic’, with its release date around Valentine’s Day, reflecting the franchise’s appreciators who see it as nothing more than a bit of risqué, taboo fun. When in reality it is an emotionally and physically abusive relationship romanticised for a day that is meant to represent love and intimacy.

A healthy BDSM relationship not merely involves communication, but realises that it is paramount to a fulfilling and consensual role-playing scene. The Submissive and Dominant would both engage in a conversation of what the submissive wants to receive, what their soft-limits are (something that they have hesitations about but places strict conditions on with specific informed consent relevant to a situation) and what their hard limits are (things they will not enjoy and do not want to engage in under any circumstances – what is off limits). The Dom(me) may discuss what they’re willing and not willing to do and they will both agree on a ‘safe word’ for either of them to use, particularly, only because they will be in the more compromising position, for the submissive to use if they feel uncomfortable, scared, unsafe, unhappy, are in pain and/or they want to stop. Anyone engaging in consensual role-play would then immediately stop and move into the ‘after-care’ period of a play scene, which will vary for each couple, depending on how intimate they are usually, but could involve things like cuddling, talking, soothing, letting the Sub have silence and space but ultimately letting them know that they are there for them and there in a caring capacity.

Abusers use anything they can in order to create an ‘excuse’ for abuse. Christian Grey uses the traumatic experience of his childhood to justify his actions, using coercion and scare tactics to make Anastasia engage in sexual acts she isn’t comfortable with. He also manipulates her emotionally and financially to gain control in every situation. This is in no way a healthy representation of any relationship, let alone a BDSM relationship. What is worrying is the number of people who will go and see this film, with their curiosity for BDSM whetted by the books, and think that that is acceptable behaviour, or the other half of serious viewers who will have even more reason to believe the myth that people who engage in BDSM are all traumatised, mentally damaged or ill or need saving and that that’s their reason for engaging in it. From what I can gather from the film’s trailer and others’ reviews, the film strives to suggest that if Christian and Ana could just have a loving, ‘vanilla’, relationship all their problems would be solved. Guess what? People who engage in healthy BDSM can have and are having loving relationships built on trust, affection and respect.

This film is going to create damaging repercussions because it will give men who want to find proof the reason they need to argue that women do enjoy being dominated over, and that women should submit, sexually and emotionally to a man’s needs. There will be men who will try replicating scenes, some to women who asked them to go to the cinema and watch it with them, but some who will give the woman they enact them on no choice – exactly as Christian does. In America, a campaign has been started called ’50 Dollars Not 50 Shades’, urging people to donate money to domestic abuse survivor’s shelters, rather than giving their money to the Fifty Shades franchise. This is because a lot of people are acutely aware of the negative impact this will have on abusive relationships. If you want to explore your curiosity towards BDSM play find the community of kinksters in real life around you, sign up to an online Fetish community forum or social media site. There you can find people who can engage you in informative conversations and experiences of healthy BDSM play. But just because this film is the only mainstream representation of BDSM anyone has ever really seen, don’t think that that’s how it’s done. Don’t support this representation of a manipulative, abusive, relationship.  

 

Reclaim the Night Southampton!

[Text: Southampton Reclaim the Night, A march to end gender-based violence and sexual harassment. November 29th, 2014. Meet Guildhall Square 7pm. Rally, march, sing, shout, chant and dance through city centre. Finishing at Friend’s Meeting House, 1 Ordnance Road SO15 2AZ. Welcome to ALL gender identities and sexualities.]

We’ve been busy working with other local groups organising a Reclaim the Night March in Southampton. Marching against gender-based violence and sexual harassment the event will be in Southampton this Saturday the 29th November. All genders welcome. Visit our facebook event here for more details or email the event organisers at  reclaimthenightsoton [at] gmail [dot] com

Please share far and wide. We hope to see you there.

Southampton Transgender Day of Remembrance Candelight Vigil

7.30 p.m., Thursday 20th November
The Edge, Southampton SO14 0BH

Transgender Day of Remembrance (TDOR) is an annual international event to remember all those around the world who were victims of, and lost their lives to, transphobic violence.

We are gathering for a candlelit vigil where the names of trans people (or people perceived as trans) who have been killed throughout the world in the past year will be read out. This will be followed by readings and a collection of donations for two local trans charities, Breakout and Chrysalis.This year’s vigil is being held at The Edge in Southampton. Staff will let you in via the main entrance if you explain you are there for the vigil. There is disabled access via ramp through the side entrance.

The Facebook event is here. Please share widely with anyone who might be interested.

People of all genders, races, colours and abilities are warmly invited to this remembrance event. Please email hampshirefeministcollective (at) gmail.com or comment in the Facebook event if you have any questions or would like to share a lift/meet up with others in advance so you don’t have to travel to the event by yourself.

CALL FOR SUBMISSIONS, RECLAIM THE NIGHT: A ZINE ABOUT GENDER-BASED OPPRESSION & SEXUAL VIOLENCE

[Image description: A black and white photograph by Francesca Woodman. Image shows a woman from the waist down sitting on a wooden chair, naked expect for a pair of Mary Jane shoes. The chair is set on bare floor boards where a black imprint/ shadow of a body can be seen lying at her feet.]

[Text in image: Hampshire Feminist Collective: Call for Submissions: Reclaim the Night. A zine about gender based oppression, sexual violence, & fighting back in a hostile world. Send poetry, visual art, essays, stories, letters & ephemera to hfczine@gmail.com by 30/09/14]

Possible topics include:
– ‘talking back’ to street harassment
– personal accounts of survival
– rape culture & the media
– the meaning/role of self-care in ending gender-based oppression
– intersections of sexual violence, race, & prisons
– sexual violence in ‘radical’ spaces
– the role of capitalism in perpetuating gender-based oppressions
– intersections of illness and violence
– past reclaim the night memories
– compulsive (hetero/)sexuality
– feminist parenting
– white-washing of anti-rape campaigns
– healing as a male survivor
– histories of trans women’s resistance to sexual violence

SEND POETRY, VISUAL ART, ESSAYS, STORIES, LETTERS & OTHER EPHEMERA TO HFCZINE@GMAIL.COM BY 30/9/14

Are you still there..?

You may have noticed that we’ve been quiet – we’ve got fewer new blogposts, we’ve not run events for a while, and we haven’t used our mailing list recently.

We’re still really passionate about keeping HFC going, about feminist campaigning, and about educating in Hampshire and beyond. But it’s not always easy.

We’ve been struggling with finding a meeting venue – we had to leave our previous venue in Winchester as we were no longer able to afford it, and have not yet found a suitable replacement. If you know of a cheap, accessible, quiet venue with transport links, in central Hampshire, please let us know.

Sometimes other life stuff gets in the way. Active members move to another county or country, or have changes in work or family situations. Sometimes people get ill; we have a lot of members with mental and/or physical health problems or disabilities that can fluctuate, meaning they have less time or energy available.  Possibly feminists with an intersectional outlook are likely to be juggling other oppressions.

With this in mind we are aware that community support can make a real difference to people. Community building is essential activism, but is often overlooked or dismissed. HFC tries to provide safe spaces, which can provide respite from everyday micro-aggressions. As a group, we are starting to recognise that our activism does not always have to be traditional campaigning or protest but can also be providing support networks and mutual aid.

We’re going to start organising low-key socials. Once a month, every third Thursday of the month, in Southampton. We’d also like to hold socials elsewhere in Hampshire; we are aware that recently we have been quite Southampton-centric. This is partly because the majority of our active members who were spread throughout Hampshire have either moved out of the county or have moved to Southampton. We still have some members in other parts of Hampshire however, and are keen to hold more events elsewhere.

If you’d like to get more involved, get in touch. Suggestions to improve HFC are welcome, but new people getting involved with the running and organising are even better. However, if you haven’t got the time or energy to get involved with organisation, we’d still love to see you at a meeting or social, or even interacting with us online.

Our first social will be at the Art House on Above Bar Street in Southampton, this Thursday 17th April from 7pm. Some of us will be doing knitting, drawing or other crafts; do bring craft things if you’d like but it’s definitely not essential!  This is the facebook page for the event.

Our next meeting will be on Sunday 4th May, venue to be confirmed.

HFC’s stance on Reclaim the Night Portsmouth

Hampshire Feminist Collective will not be attending or promoting Reclaim the Night Portsmouth and here is why:

We are an intersectional feminist group that was set up to specifically provide trans* positive feminism in Hampshire. A few of our trans* members used to be involved in Solent Feminist Network, but were frequently made to feel unsafe by transphobic comments and feminism displayed by a few members. Whilst we acknowledge that these members do not represent the whole group, we openly challenged SFN regarding their stance on transphobia and were disappointed with their response. They denied that there was any problem within the group, claimed that transphobic comments were not making the space unsafe, deleted our public debate, banned the person who had raised the issue and refused to take a clear stance on transphobia. I feel we need to reiterate the last point: They do not feel that transphobia and cissexism are so vile that they need to declare themselves as, at least, trans* allies. Solent Feminist Network are one of this year’s organisers of Reclaim the Night Portsmouth and until they make it clear that they are a trans* positive group we will not be taking part or recommending that our members attend. It is not enough for them to say trans* members are welcome to fight for women’s liberation, we are still waiting for them to publicly state that they are against transphobia and cissexism.

Disclaimer:

We are aware that an organisation is comprised of individuals and that the event in question happened a year ago. As we do not interact with Solent Feminist Network we do not know if their stance on trans* people has changed and we are aware that not every member will have the same view. It may be the case that a change of members has taken place and they have consequently taken a more intersectional stance. We agree with the principles of Reclaim the Night Portsmouth and are sad that SFN’s involvement means that we cannot endorse the march.

Trans* feminist symbol

Celebrating Bisexuality Day 2013! [Or: float on your fluid sexuality magic carpet wherever you darn well please]

Living in this age is not particularly easy for those whose attractions and desires fall outside of what I’m going to call the sexuality-binary. People are freely accepted as straight*with no question. In fact, as a society, we’re conditioned to believe that everybody is straight until told otherwise. Recently, there has also been a huge move for gay rights, and being gay is also accepted in society, with gay marriage having recently become legal**. What isn’t so widely accepted, however, is bisexuality. This is when a person can fancy people of ‘either’**** gender. From both the straight and gay communities’ perspectives, being bisexual can have a big backlash, with many assuming that bisexual people are “greedy” or “sex crazed”. Not only that, but women get a huge amount of  the “she’s only bisexual so that men think she’s sexy for kissing women when she’s drunk” mentality, especially from (you guessed it) men.  And when it doesn’t come from men, it comes from women’s internalised misogyny, which in turn comes from (again) men.

So the sexuality-binary is about as real as the gender-binary, in that yes, there are those that are strictly straight or gay, but there are those who float between those two ends of the spectrum somewhere on their fluid sexuality/gender magic carpets fancying whoever they darn well please because, let’s face it, you’re allowed to fancy whoever you darn well please. Many people follow the Kinsey scale of sexuality, which allows for more fluidity of sexuality but really breaks things down into percentages [i.e. a wee bit heterosexual / mostly homosexual]. Whilst this allows for a bigger range of sexual orientations, it’s still a little bit trans*phobic, because, well, where are the other genders on this scale? The point of the matter is, most of these scales work in such a way as to focus the attentions of how straight vs how gay someone is, which is really not okay considering some people might want to work on a scale that considers how bisexual they are [the only real option on this scale is “Totally!”]. Within this society, so much focus is on the binaries, which really isn’t fair on those who operate outside of said binaries.

One of the huge issues faced by those who are bisexual is that they are often less likely to come out of the closet because of stereotypes pushed upon them by the aforementioned gay and straight communities. A study in the LA Times showed that  “Only 28% of bisexuals have come out because of stereotypes […] that they’re sex-crazed or incapable of monogamy”. This is obviously entirely unfair, because just like every other person ever, bisexual people are great. The real unfortunate thing is that there is so much stigma around bisexuality. So much, in fact, that bisexual people don’t even have their own word for what they are, that doesn’t actively insult them. Heterosexual people can refer to themselves as straight, and homosexual people can refer to themselves as gay. They have their own words! Bisexual people only get a shortening of the original word: bi, which people in the other groups have too.

Really, what is trying to be said throughout is that bisexual people are much more amazing than society gives them credit for, and we should love them just as much as we love everyone else. We should be celebrating them just as we celebrate everyone else of different sexualities/identities/everything else ever that makes people as super and diverse as they are.

* The fact of the matter is that we live in a heteronormative society, unfortunately

** Yes, this is progressive, but when it comes to trans* people the legislation is lacking. Or rather, appalling.

*** Note: not especially trans* inclusive, the term for being attracted to all people of all genders is pansexuality.

The legacies of Orientalism and the exoticizing of women

[content note: Discussions of Orientalism, with mentions of racism,  sexualisation, rape, violence, slavery, genocide, and colonialism]

Orientalism is a way of thinking that gives rationalization for European/Western colonialism based on the oppressive history in which “the West” constructed “the East” as “exotic”, “backward”, less “enlightened”, and in need of imperialism to be rescued. Part of it involves seeing Arab culture as exotic, uncivilized — representing a widespread socialization of which Europeans/Westerners are seen as inherently superior in comparison.

A part of Orientalism includes exoticization against the “Orient”/”Other” (East), which also involves seeing women of color as needing to be liberated via hypersexualization. In history, Orientalism hugely affects religious women of color and seeks to suppress certain religious rights. For example, historic colonialist violence relies on Orientalism to unveil religious Muslim women of color. This is found in the example of when Lord Cromer, a British leader in Egypt, accused the Egyptians of degrading women through veiling. Thus he attempted to unveil Egyptian women, which can be said to be a form of hypersexualization; and he attempted to show himself as liberating the “Orient”, whilst using the opportunity to end the pre-existing Egyptian practice of training women to be doctors and furthering colonialist interest at the expense of women. However, due to the large legacies left behind by historic colonialism, Orientalism can encompass many things globally and is not exclusively a religious issue; thus it extends to structures of institutional racism that are still alive today, which also effect non-religious women of color.

Indigenous feminist Andrea Smith has said that the logic of Orientalism is considered the third pillar of white supremacy, and thus Orientalism has been used to defend the logics of slavery and genocide. An increasingly globalized, all encompassing Orientalism further strengthens widespread violence against women of color in this world.

Thus, relating back to exoticization, the socialization of the “exotic Other” not only gets passed down through certain explicit imperialistic agendas but also gets transmitted via worldwide entertainment industries like Disney.

Just one small example can be seen from this:

Disney’s Jasmine. An example of the exotic and sexualised portrayal of WoC in western media.

“Often times, white people think they’re complimenting me by saying I look ‘exotic’. They don’t realize that the word ‘exotic’ itself is bloodstained with a history of colonial rape, or what it means for me, as a WOC, to be the exotic Other in a white supremacist world. Or white women will sigh with longing over Jasmine tropes and evince a desire to embody/consume the Other: darkening their hair, wearing black eyeliner, big earrings or saris. They like to play at being what they think I am, what they think Jasmine is. For them, Jasmine is a an exciting adventure, a garment they can put on and take off at will. For me, she’s real, she’s my everyday, she walks in my skin and looks through my eyes. The degradation and violence that she endures is done to me. The brilliant Emi Koyama once said “There’s no innocent way of being in this world”, meaning that no one, not even the most enlightened among us, can exist outside of history, outside of the legacies of colonial violence that shaped the world we inhabit.” — Tassja, The Jasmine Diaries Part II: ‘Exotic’ is Not a Compliment.

Why is this relevant to feminism? This is because Orientalism is very much tied with racism, xenophobia and violence against women, especially women of color. This particularly impact women of color as Orientalism involves an imperialistic mindset which normalizes historic colonialist violence against the “Orient”.  As Tassja quotes, “This is how the First World regards the lands and people of the Third World whose resources they have gleefully plundered and monopolized, and this is how women of color are symbolically, culturally and sociopolitically situated in white colonial hegemony. Thus the politics of land theft and resource usurpation, of cultural imperialism, systematic rape and dehumanization, intersect on our bodies and shape our sexual self-awareness.”  Today, similarly imperialistic mindsets still thrive. Such oppression tend to be tied in with today’s Othering and Western privilege, as Kamali says that the legacy of Orientalism demonstrates itself in governmental and communal policies for integration of immigrant groups in host societies. The assumption is that “they” are different and culturally the opposite of “us”. ‘Knowing is to subordinate’, therefore, “we” must understand “them” in order to be able to change them and make them adjusted to our society. “We” already know that “they” are different and strange, since they come from “the Orient”. When the element of exoticization is added to the Othering, it becomes an added form of fetishizing of conquest, of which women of color experience a threefold discrimination of patriarchal rape culture, cultural discrimination in the form of xenophobia, and white colonialist supremacy. Although this disproportionately affects of women of color, this also impacts women with white privilege. This is because Orientalism supports the idea that the European/Western cis male should remain the overseer of women’s issues over centuries, even if it requires imperialism and genocide.

For further reading and references, here are a few links:

Conceptualizing the “Other”, Institutionalized Discrimination, and Cultural Racism
What is Orientalism?
Heteropatriarchy and the Three Pillars of White Supremacy.
The Jasmine Diaries Part 1: Colonial Legacies and Modern Dilemmas.
The Jasmine Diaries Part 2: ‘Exotic’ is not a compliment.
The Jasmine Diaries Part 3: Beyond the ‘Exotic.’

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HFC!

A year ago this month, the founders of Hampshire Feminist Collective were discussing creating a new trans* inclusive, intersectional feminist group on the south coast. It’s been a hell of a year, we’ve held a body positive workshop, a vigil for Trans* Day of Remembrance and organised a flash mob for One Billion Rising. We’ve also attended Reclaim the Night marches, got involved in anti fascist and anti cuts protests and found time for plenty of socials. Not only that but we’ve reached 300+ likes on facebook and approx 13,750 visits to our website with blog posts going viral.

We’re very proud of everything we’ve done so far and hope next year will be just as fabulously feminist. Keep an eye out for some birthday celebrations this summer.

 

Disability Awareness Day – why it matters this year, and why it matters for feminists

This year’s Disability Awareness Day we should be more “aware” then we ever have. In the UK, life for disabled people is getting worse, not easier. I firmly believe that the cuts by the Coalition government really are leaving disabled people the “hardest hit”. Articles like this by Sue Marsh, a wonderful disabled activist and campaigner, put the facts behind the experiences we read and hear from disabled people, and that I hear from my patients as I work as a hospital doctor.

Disabled people are losing out on social, practical and financial support, that many people need, and those who aren’t losing out are jumping through hoops like Atos assessments and tribunals to get it. The number of cases that are initially turned down but are then successful at tribunal is staggering.

I write this both as a doctor who’s heard experiences of disabled patients, and as a person with my own experiences – having previously self-defined as disabled (thanks to good surgery and better mental health, I no longer feel this applies to me) and as a sibling of a young person who has lifelong disabilities, and though she’s amazing and wonderful, my family could all really do with my sister receiving an awful lot more help than she gets. But social services are ridiculously stretched and the services just aren’t there.

Why is this relevant to feminists, I hear you ask? If we take an intersectional approach to feminism, then every type of prejudice or discrimination, such as that faced by disabled people, is relevant. Women of colour experience more prejudice than white women, LGBTQ women face more struggles than cisgendered-heterosexual women, and disabled women experience more discrimination than non-disabled women, because of multiple discrimination. If we want an equal society (which as intersectional feminists we surely do), we need to be aware of, and campaign against, other discrimination in addition to sexism.

In relation to the cuts, women are hit harder than men by cuts to child benefit, to tax credits, the closing of Sure Start centres, and public sector pay cuts, while the tax cuts for the rich will benefit men more than women. It could logically be argued then, that disabled women are being hit hardest of all. This is why it matters to feminists.

We need to not just be aware of “Disability” per se, but of what it means to be disabled by society, to face barriers that need not be there if society were more accepting, more accommodating, and had less discrimination.

We need to be mindful of what may be needed to make spaces for accessible for disabled people, and to decrease prejudice – not using disablist language, for example, and challenging people when they perpetuate disablism (or finding out ways of doing so – much as I want to, I’ve still not worked out what I can say when my friends use the word “spaz” which grates with me so much). We should join together to campaign against the cuts which hit disabled people so hard.

On that note, can I end with saying that Hampshire Feminist Collective meetings are held in an accessible building with a ramp to enter and two disabled toilets, and we strive to make our meetings accessible for everyone, including people with learning, mental health, and communication disabilities (if you need our info in an alternative format, please let us know!).

For further reading and info, all the links from the blogpost and a few more:

The Gender Impact of the Cuts by TUC (PDF document).
Disabled people’s lives will be ruined by sweeping cuts to services at the Guardian.
Women to lose nearly £4bn in latest household budget cuts at the Independent.
Francesca Martinez: Empty words don’t fund a full life for disabled people at the Independent (there are other awesome things written by Francesca Martinez that I can’t find right now).
Diary of a Benefit Scrounger
Join Francesca Martinez And The WOW Petition Campaign at Disabled People Against the Cuts.
Tag archives: Disabled Feminist at Sisters of Frida.

Post by Ro, who also blogs at Trying to be a (very) junior doctor.